


In An Instant

by sadisfyd



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, EVAN IS A TOP, Evan is oblivious, I promise, Like Heavy Angst, Lots of Arguing, M/M, at least in my mind, but fluff, but it will end happily, fluff will not disappoint, i promise fluff, im so sorry, insecure, ive been listening to dorky love songs all day so how did this happen, jared is self concious, my new least favorite day, october sixteenth, okay maybe there wont be fluff, this is real dark, trigger warning, you can fight me and my dog on that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-21 21:50:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16584857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadisfyd/pseuds/sadisfyd
Summary: Jared coughed uncontrollably, lifting his head and clutching his throat tightly, attempting to let in as much air as possible. When it finally calmed down just a little bit, he looked up and felt disgusted by his own reflection.He looked pitiful, his clothes disheveled, hair unruly, face red and stained with tears that just kept coming. God, he was a mess. He let out a choked sob, sinking to his knees.The cold tile on his knees, completely ruined appearance, and the feeling of shame deep inside him instantly brought back memories that he wished he could forget.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I am confusion
> 
>  
> 
> I don't know how I created this when I've been listening to dorky love songs all day
> 
>  
> 
> America explain
> 
>  
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING:: references to/implied event that may or may not make some readers uncomfortable

Jared Kleinman was not a patient person. He was impatient, impulsive, and held grudges on people for reasons he couldn't even remember. He was cynical; it was his nature to overlook the sweet things, he always searched deep for the bad in people. But there was one exception. One exception that he couldn't understand because it made no fucking sense. Evan Hansen was a liar. He was a manipulative, abusive liar and he deserved to go down worse than Connor had. He deserved to cut his wrists for weeks without anyone noticing, to try and reach out to his family and 'friends,' to be verbally, and hell, physically abused by anyone who could get their hands on him, and to take his own life painfully and have no one mourn, no one show up at his funeral, no one care. He deserved to disappear. But Jared didn't want that.

  
No, he didn't want Evan to suffer. He wanted him to learn. He wanted someone to break into his house and throw a brick at him with the message YOU HURT JARED KLEINMAN in big red letters. He wanted to somehow show him that he was in pain, he wanted him to know that he hurt him. That had to be Evan's worst quality: that he didn't learn.  
Everyone had gotten an apology. Zoe, Ms. Hansen, The Murphy's, maybe even Connor's memory. But not Jared. It just has never occurred to Evan that Jared was human too, that you can't just use someone and then throw them away like a piece of paper. Like a piece of paper that you could write your suicide note on.

  
Being the cynical, jaded person he was, Jared easily saw the darkness in himself as well. He was an asshole, he'd admit. Evan had tried reaching out to him so many times and he would always push him away again. He mocked his crush on Zoe Murphy, he didn't sign his cast, Jared was the source of so many of Evan's spells of anxiety. But it wasn't always that way.

  
They used to be close, they used to laugh with each other and be comfortable. Evan used to come to Jared when he was upset and Jared would always calm him down and make him laugh with a cleverly thought-out one-liner. You're stupid, Jared, he'd say, but they'd both know he didn't really mean it and that it was just a way to express fondness towards the other. They had a real bond. Evan trusted him once.

  
But that all changed in an instant. Yes, Jared realized then, it did seem unfair that Evan never got to know why they drifted so far apart. He had left his best friend confused, and disappointed, and hurt, he was left to believe that it was his fault; that he did something wrong and Jared never forgave him for it.

  
So they both needed to apologize.

  
Unfortunately, it was by Jared's stubborn mindset that he refused to be the first to say he was sorry. He knew for a fact that if he never did, Evan never would either because Evan wasn't sorry. He didn't even know he hurt him. Apparently, seeing your lifelong best friend break into pieces and crying was not a direct sign that something was wrong. Apparently being called an asshole by someone you used to trust was not an outright obvious way to say you hurt me.   
And, he figured, there was no way he was sorry if Evan wasn't. Which left him nowhere.

  
His parents were always afraid of what Jared would grow up to be. They were terrified that he'd grow into a middle-aged man who did drugs and had no friends. So they made a deal with their son. If he could sustain a healthy friendship, they'd support him as parents. As long as he was friends with Evan, they'd keep him alive and happy. It started when he was about four, when Evan and his parents had moved into the small town he called home. Would you look at that, he remembered his father saying, your son is just the same age as Jared! And so they became friends, for Jared because he wanted to make his mom and dad proud, and for Evan because wow Jared really is the coolest person ever!

  
Their bond only grew stronger, and as they conquered middle school together Jared had developed intense feelings for the other boy. He knew he was gay since he was twelve years old, he had been sure of it. It has started out normally, with unrealistic scenarios about male celebrities and a porn session every now and then, but it had only gotten worse. It frustrated him that he really was attracted to Evan, not just because he was a boy and liking him was gay and mom and dad said being gay was a sin, but because he knew it would ruin their friendship.

  
He couldn't tell Evan he liked him. He couldn't even tell him he was gay, because he knew it would scare him and then he wouldn't want to be friends anymore and his parents would be so disappointed.   
He tried to ignore it for a while, which was extremely difficult. Evan had even noticed an erection Jared had one day in eighth grade. He'd skipped class the rest of that day just to avoid being confronted.   
Middle school was awkward, if Jared was being honest, but it was the best three years of his life. Back then, he didn't have to worry about bullies, he didn't have to face responsibility, and it was easy to get Evan on his side.

  
High school hit him like a freight train. Suddenly, you had a million eyes on you and everyone watched everything you did and if you did something, people would find out. It was then that Jared had to hide who he was. Sensitive, weak, gay boys weren't allowed in high school. High school was for jocks, and cheerleaders, and guys who were so strong you were certain they could get hit by a bus and return unscathed. So Jared changed. He grew a thick skin and built walls to protect himself. He knew that submitting himself to the cruel tendencies of other teenagers was the way to end up forty years old and alone in a stranger's basement, sucking dick for meth just because he could hardly afford his own food.

  
Sophomore year was when it all changed, in an instant. In an instant everything he had and was going to have was gone, it was over for him.

  
He admitted to a 'friend,' Alana that he liked Evan a little more than a guy should and, being Alana, the word got around pretty quickly. It was a strange sort of rumor, though, like an alleged fact that never got around to Evan but was mutual knowledge between a few select people. And when knowledge got to those people, Jared was never going to live it down.

  
Humans are inclined to reject things they don't understand. And since it's not "normal" for a boy to like another boy, it's really hard to find a real way to explain and understand it. For the first time since middle school, Jared was getting attention, though it sure as hell was not the kind he wanted.

  
He tried to contain his composure, to stay calm because it's what his parents wanted.

  
And on October sixteenth, it happened. The one thing, the only thing that would have brought Jared down, that would have broken his façade and finally tear him away from Evan emotionally.  
But Evan didn't know. He didn't know and Jared never wanted him to know. So he left him helpless and blaming himself for ruining the only friendship he had developed in his life.

  
So Jared was the villain. Jared was the villain, and if anyone needed to apologize, it was him.

  
And now here he was, shut up in his bathroom, face buried in his arms, crying until he was choking.

  
He coughed uncontrollably, lifting his head and clutching his throat tightly, attempting to let in as much air as possible. When it finally calmed down just a little bit, he looked up and felt disgusted by his own reflection.

  
He looked pitiful, his clothes disheveled, hair unruly, face red and stained with tears that just kept coming. God, he was a mess. He let out a choked sob, sinking to his knees.

  
The cold tile on his knees, completely ruined appearance, and the feeling of shame deep inside him instantly brought back memories that he wished he could forget.

  
What would Evan say if he saw him then? What happened to The Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman, what happened to the sardonic and confident person he was before? It was an intervention, someone took a piece of paper, crumpled it, then straightened it out again as if it would just return to normal. Something had to have happened, because now he was just left with this sorry excuse for a human being.   
Jared shakily stood up, combing his hair with his fingers and sliding his glasses back into his face. He didn't want to see Evan. He didn't want Evan to see him like this. But he just felt so numb, so empty, so so fucking lost and if he could just see someone, anyone, another human being and actually be able to hear and touch and know they're there, it would make him happy.

  
Leaving the house was never going to be a problem. His parents stopped showing up two weeks ago. Since everything went down, since Evan fucking told everyone that he was a part of it, too. No one talked to him. It was like he just...disappeared. He'd already failed his parents, and he knew that twenty years from then, he'd be meeting up in an alley, broke as a joke, and about to do something he'd really regret because he didn't have the money to pay for the only thing that would relieve his pain.

  
He quickly stepped outside, not bothering to lock the door. It was cold, the October air starting to get to him. He ignored it, and began walking in the direction of Evan's house.

  
It started to rain hard halfway through, and Jared found himself shivering against the freezing raindrops. His legs shook, threatening to give out, but he persisted, finally stopping at Evan's doorstep.

  
This time, he didn't he didn't hesitate, he didn't take any extra time to knock harshly on the door. He just wanted to see someone else, he didn't care who it was, he wanted to know that he wasn't alone, and he'd give anything to get rid of the empty feeling inside of him.

  
A few moments later, he heard someone fumble with the lock, and the creak of the door's hinges as it began opening slowly. Jared braced himself, unsure of what was to happen next.


	2. What It Feels Like

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Without actually thinking, Evan lightly placed a hand on the other's face, tilting his head up a bit so he could see him. His heart sank.  
> Jared was a mess. His eyes and nose were red and puffy, making him wonder how long he'd been crying. Their were evident tear tracks stained on his face. Their was also a blue tint here and there, and he was paler than ever. His eyes were droopy, as if he was having a hard time keeping them open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, I did not expect my first chapter to be as successful as it was,,,
> 
> I wake up one morning at seven thirty to check ao3 and suddenly I have like twelve kudos and 8 comments!
> 
> Okay but this is an accomplishment, and Words Fail (hehe) to describe how happy I was and am, y'all definitely gave me motivation for this
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING::  
> sort of (?) not graphic description and reference to sexual assault

There came a knock on the door. Evan looked up, instantly becoming nervous. No one should have been there.  
"Be right back, honey." Heidi said, giving her son a reassuring smile before standing up and approaching the door. She had a bit of trouble with the lock.

  
Finally, she managed to get it unlocked, slowly opening the door. It let out a hideous creaking sound as it was forced open. She looked up to see their visitor.

  
It was a boy, quite short at that, with messy hair and ruined clothing. His was shivering against what was likely soon to become hail or snow, and his skin was tinted in some places, a pale blue.

  
Her heart sank upon realizing who it was.

  
"Oh, baby, come in, come in!" She pulled the freezing boy in the house quickly, snatching a thick blanket from off the sofa and wrapped it around him.

  
What was Jared Kleinman doing out in a storm? His parents should have been...well, come to think of it, Heidi hadn't seen Jared's mother and father for about a couple weeks now. And she hadn't seen Jared at the school when she dropped off Evan, either.

  
She carefully walked him to the small sofa, helping him sit down. He shuddered, his teeth never ceasing to chatter.

  
"Th-th-thank-you, M-Ms. Han-Hansen!" Jared barely managed to whisper. Heidi Hughes the boy tightly, and kissed his forehead. It was growing warm. The poor thing.

  
"Stay right here, honey. I'm gonna go make some hot tea for us."  
Evan stood up quickly. "Ca-Can I help too?"

  
Jared sobbed in protest, hiding his face in his arms. "No! No, p-please don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave, please."

  
Heidi stared at him before turning to face Evan. "Evan, do you think you could keep him company? I think he's scared."

  
Evan glanced at Jared, thinking, and reluctantly agreed. Soon, his mom had left the living room and he was stuck with The Insanely Pitiful Oh And Also Freezing Jared Kleinman. He hesitantly say down beside him, careful to keep some distance.

  
Jared immediately moved closer, their thighs now pressed against each other. Evan noticed he was still wearing shorts and some stupid meme t-shirt with Kermit the frog on it. It was already October, why the hell was he wearing that? Against his own personal wishes, he did feel a shred of pity for his ex-friend, and swing his legs on top of the other's, moving as close as he could get. It was uncomfortable, but it seemed to make Jared feel better.

  
Jared had stopped showing up at school about a month ago. He'd never really wondered why, he didn't feel a real reason to. Jared was rude, sarcastic, and a bad friend. He'd been the cause of countless panic attacks. It was only then, with Jared crying and freezing cold in their sofa, Evan's legs on top of his, and so close together you'd think they were a couple trying to keep warm, that Evan really did feel for him.

  
Without actually thinking, he lightly placed a hand on the other's face, tilting his head up a bit so he could see him. His heart sank.  
Jared was a mess. His eyes and nose were red and puffy, making him wonder how long he'd been crying. Their were evident tear tracks stained on his face. Their was also a blue tint here and there, and he was paler than ever. His eyes were droopy, as if he was having a hard time keeping them open.

  
His mother walked into the room, holding a few mugs. "Careful, hot," she said, handing one each to Evan and Jared, "sorry, these busted up cups are all I have." Jared murmured something in thanks, pressing the mug to his lips. Evan carefully set his tea down, assuming it was too hot to drink.

  
"Now, Jared, honey, why did you leave the house like that? It's storming, and you're not even wearing a jacket or anything-and in shorts! What were you thinking?" Heidi looked over at the boy, a both scared and caring look in her eyes.

  
"I wasn't," Jared admitted, "I-I just felt...so lonely...and lost, and empty, and numb, and I wanted to see someone..." He fiddled nervously with the hem of his t-shirt.

  
"But it's freezing out there, and you hurt yourself-"  
"N-no, no I didn't hurt myself, I'm not hurting. You don't get it! I-I can't feel anything, it's all nothing and empty, a-and that's why I came here, I just-"

  
"Shhh, shh, I know, I know." Heidi approached the boy and pulled him into a tight hug. No, she didn't know. But she cared about him, and what she did know was that something really was wrong.

  
They stayed like that for a while, all three of them, just sitting in silence because none of them really understood what was going on. They just basked in each other's company.

  
After a bit, Heidi stood up, stating she needed to take a call and that she'd be right back. She walked into the kitchen, leaving Jared and Evan alone again.

  
Evan knew they needed to talk. He'd hurt Jared, and he'd never apologized, but neither had he. Giving Jared another glance, he instantly regretted even the thought of getting Jared to apologize. They were going to argue, someone would end up crying, someone would punch the other-but he looked so pitiful. He couldn't help but feel sorry for the other. So he made up his mind to do something else.  
"Jared, I'm sorry."

  
The other boy looked at him in awe. Was Evan Hansen actually apologizing? No, no, he wasn't going to accept it. Evan used him, he hurt him and then all of a sudden two months later he thinks he can just say sorry and everything will go back to normal? Well, news-fucking-flash, Hansen, it's not that easy.

  
Jared narrowed his eyes. "No. No, Evan, it's not gonna be that easy." He stood up quickly, folding his arms. "It doesn't fucking work that way."

  
Evan stood up as well. "Jared, I-"  
"NO! No, Evan, you don't get to do that. You don't get to make yourself innocent here, you know exactly what's going on. You don't get to be the victim this time." He felt tears stinging in his eyes.

  
"I don't make myself the victim, Jared. I'm just trying to be mature about it!" Evan threw his hands in the air.

  
"And you think I'm not?"

  
"You know what, Jared, you really aren't! I've been keeping my cool this whole time, and-and you're over here, crying and yelling at me."  
"I'm not crying! And so what if I'm mad? I know you are too!"  
"Yes, I'm mad, but-"

  
"But what? Am I not allowed to be upset--you used me! You used me and you left me, alone, angry, and I felt worthless! I don't want to feel that way."

  
"Jare," Evan stepped closer, "I know what that feels like. "  
"NO, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE!" Jared screamed, taking several steps back.

  
Heidi stepped into the room, about to speak until she realized what was going on. She stepped back and watched in silence.  
"You don't know--you don't know what it feels like! You don't know what it feels like to grow up and have a crush on your best friend and never get to tell him because it's gay and being gay is wrong, and you don't know what it feels like to keep every feeling bottled up inside, and you don't know what it feels like to be called a fucking faggot because the one person you thought you could trust with your only secret let you down and now the entire school knows-"

  
"You-you're gay..?"

  
"You don't know what it feels like to be shoved to your knees in a bathroom stall and have Connor Murphy's dick shoved so far down your throat that you can't--fucking--breathe and then you're just left there--a weak, worthless excuse for a human being who can't even defend himself--you don't ...know...what it feels like." Jared fell back into the wall, covering his face with his hand.

  
Evan stated at him in silence. Was he telling the truth? No, of course he was, he was breaking down in front of him. Waves of remorse spread through his body, and for the first time since Connor's death, he didn't know what to do.

  
Jared Kleinman was a fucked up, sarcastic asshole, but he did not deserve that. No one did. Without thinking, he wrapped his arms tightly around the smaller boy, holding him close. It didn't matter if he'd done bad things, he was still human and deserved to be loved.

 "Jared," he murmured, trying to contain his composure, "I'm so sorry."

Evan could never have been prepared for what Jared said next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 20 uses of the word "feel" or "felt"
> 
> This chapter was SO hard to write because I kept writing the boys out of character, at one point they were just gonna apologize and make up easily, but don't we all love a little extra angst
> 
> Also before you complain about the cliffhanger I'll let you know it's the only way I can keep y'all engaged, being a writer is hard
> 
> I love comments, maybe just your thoughts or what you think is gonna happen next ;)


	3. The Happiest Man In The World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared reflects on awful things that happened in his past, and Evan comes to terms with his feelings for his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING::  
> aight so it's the Jared-Connor ordeal but I stop it before it gets to the super sexual part. Still, violence and the f-slur. 
> 
> Also I know this took forever to get done and it's relatively short but I hope you like it because I'm pouring my life and soul into it

It was October sixteenth. A regular Monday. Were Mondays ever even regular? Jared had no clue.

  
Mondays usually sucked, but that day was particularly kind to him, as he had neared the end of the school day quickly and easily. Except for the part where he got paint all over himself. That was undesirable.  
It was five minutes until the final bell, and he was in the boys' restroom, washing his hands off. Since it was three in the afternoon, and most juniors either dropped out at that point or left early, he was mildly surprised to hear the door swing open. He turned his head, about to spill a greeting of some sort, but immediately stopped himself when he saw who it was.

  
"Kleinman."

  
Connor Murphy and Jared didn't have the greatest relationship. They didn't talk much, but there was always some reason for one to hold some grudge on the other. Especially when Jared may or may not have started a rumor about Connor being gay.

  
"Hehey, Murphy!" Jared smiled, though he was beginning to feel very nervous.

  
"Not in the mood for your damn games." Connor's eyes narrowed and he grabbed Jared by the collar of his shirt. Jared flinched.

  
"Uh-huh. Breaking the touch barrier already? Heh, consent would be nice." His voice wavered.

  
Connor yanked him forward, leaning in so close that their faces were almost touching.

  
"Explain." He growled.

  
"Explai-explain what?"

  
"Don't play dumb, you know _exactly_ what I'm talking about. Now spit it out."

  
"I don't know wh-what you mean?" Jared chuckled, his hands shaking uselessly at his sides. _Dammit, why do you have to look like such a pussy?_

  
Instead of pulling him forward this time, Connor slammed him into the wall. Jared yelped, internally cursing himself for sounding so pathetic.

  
"Talk around the school. Say I'm a fucking faggot. Sound familiar, Jared?" Connor's voice got dangerously calm, and it was somehow even more intimidating than his yelling.

  
"N-now that you mention it, maybe?"

  
A split second later and Jared was on the ground, his lip visibly bleeding and a bruise beginning to form on his jaw. He tried to regain his composure but was immediately silenced by the look on Connor's face. He dared not stand.

  
"Word gets around, doesn't it, Kleinman?" He kicked him in the ribs, receiving a grunt from Jared. Jared inhaled shakily, willing himself not to cry. _No. Not now. Not in front of_  him.

  
"I asked you a damn question, _skank_." Connor kicked him again, harder this time. Jared whimpered.

 

"I-I-"

  
"I-I-I-I-I-I-what?" Connor mocked, glaring down at the smaller boy. " Sorry, I can't seem to _hear you_!" As if to get his point across, he kicked him twice on the last two words.

  
Jared winced at the pain, tears welling up in his eyes. He could feel his face, incredibly hot and he was having a hard time keeping his lower lip from twitching. His jaw was stinging.

 

Connor crouched down, an almost disgustingly kind look in his eyes. "Awe, baby, you don't like that?"

  
"I-I'm not y-your _baby_." Jared managed to choke out.  
Connor looked confused for a moment, then laughed. His face darkened.

  
"Wittle baby boy's gonna cwy?"

  
That's what did it. Jared couldn't bite back a sob. The tears that had been threatening to fall were now rolling down his face. He looked pathetic.

  
"You--fucking--asshole!" He whimpered, covering his face with one hand.

  
Connor pulled him back up without warning, leaning in close again.  
"So are you gonna admit it, or am I gonna have to break your pretty little face."

  
" _Yeah_!" Jared shouted, squeezing his eyes shut. "Y-yeah, I started the rumor, whatever, are you happy now?"

  
"No. Get on your knees."

 

" _What_?"

 

"I wouldn't have to do this if you had been honest the first time," Connor growled. "Get. On. Your. Knees."

  
Jared didn't comply, opening his eyes and trying to take a step back. He gave Connor a confused look.

  
The bell rang suddenly, causing Connor to flinch. He bolted towards the bathroom door, moving a chair in front of it. "Stall, now."

  
Jared did as he was told this time, any hope of someone walking in and rescuing him having been crushed. He carefully stepped into the handicap stall, considering locking himself in for a moment. _No, that'd just make things worse._

  
After making sure the door was secure, Connor approached Jared, closing the stall door behind him. He chuckled.

  
"What's so funny, asshole?"

  
"Oh, nothing." Connor smiled. "Just funny to see _the_  Jared Kleinman like this. What happened to being cool, and standing up for yourself?"white

  
"Fag." Jared spat it out without thinking, and instantly regretted it.

  
The light in Connor's eyes faded. His face dropped and he took a step closer, which was a lot because the stall wasn't very large.

  
"Would you like to say that again?"

  
Jared swallowed, visibly shaking. He tried to keep his face determined, though. His eyes constantly jumped between Connor and the stall door. _If he were just a little bit closer_...

  
He kept silent.

  
"That's what I thought. Knees, skank."

  
Jared's gaze snapped back to the taller boy. He bit his already busted lip and shook his head.

  
"I'm not asking you." Jared still made no movement. "Alright, how about this?" He dug into his hoodie's pocket, searching for something, and pulled out a short piece of wood. _No. Not wood_.

  
He looked up from the object at Jared, and made a _shing_  noise as he opened the pocket knife. Jared couldn't tell if the gleaming blade or the shine that was suddenly in his eyes he saw.

  
"Get on your knees, before I use this on you." Jared finally complied, averting his gaze as he slowly sunk down to his knees. The tiles were cold, and they dug into his skin.

  
"We'll see who the fag is, Kleinman." Connor chuckled, reaching for the zipper on his jeans _._

~~~~~~~~

It was already a year since then. A year since that god awful day.

Jared had never told anyone about it, but apparently word got around because half the entire school knew, and now _he_  was the alleged fag. And god did it suck. He didn't think it could get any worse.

  
It got worse.

 

As soon as word got around, any male he was within five feet of, he was gay for. Which dragged Evan Hansen into the equation. And what's worse, he was awful at math.

  
So of course he was pissed when Connor brought it up again.

  
"So, Evan Hansen?"

  
" _Fuck off_ , Murphy."

  
"Tell that to your boyfriend."

  
It was a blur, but he could remember his face heating up, and his blood boiling, and his fist across Connor's face.

  
It was a mistake.

  
It was a mistake and if he'd never done it he'd be alright, but no, _no_ , he just _had_ to do it, and now he was in this mess.

  
Now he was cold, angry, and shaking. In Evan Hansen's house. In Evan's arms. And Evan was apologizing. But not for what he did. He's didn't know what he did wrong, or why Jared was so upset, but he did know, _he did know_ that what happened to him was awful. _No one_ deserved that. And now, Jared was wrapped in an embrace, crying his eyes out on the shoulder of the boy he'd been in love with for so long.

  
And when Evan apologized, he said the first thing that came to his mind.

  
"I love you."

Those three, simple words were like a jolt of electricity sent down Evan's spine. But it wasn't the painful kind. It was the kind of jolt that you feel when you're twelve and hanging out with your best friend at the playground, and he accidentally shocks you because it's hot out and you're climbing the slides like complete fools, and you say _ow_ and laugh but you keep going just so you can do it again, just so you can _feel it again_.

  
And Evan wanted to feel it again.

  
He slowly pulled away from Jared, giving him a soft, kind look before leaning on closer and murmuring _I LOVE YOU, TOO_.

  
And he kissed him.

  
And for the first time since October sixteenth of junior year, Jared was happy. Life might suck, but in that moment, Jared wouldn't have changed a single thing.

  
In an instant, his life was ruined. In an instant, he said and did things he'd regret. _In an instant_ , he was the happiest man in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right this took so long but egH?
> 
> And this could be a good stopping point but if you want me to do fine if just say please lmao I have no life lmao
> 
> Also Evan is a mood honestly

**Author's Note:**

> I promise it'll be updated soon, if y'all actually even care
> 
> Please please PLEASE comment if you like it, I'd like yalls thoughts, it'd make my day Qwq


End file.
